Breaking the Silence

I think one of the keys to breaking an addiction to pornography (or at least the habit of viewing it) is to talk about it. It's great to want to make the effort to get it out of your life, but if no one knows about your struggle then its very easy to continue to allow yourself to turn back to pornography in your private little world. Yet if you've opened the line of discussion with someone, then there's more motivation and encouragement to avoid it. As the Pure Freedom course at Setting Captives Free puts it (I recommend anyone who struggles with pornography to consider taking this course, you can find the link on the right), it sheds light on the problem and the sin cannot live in the light...but it thrives in the darkness. If you open a lines of communication with others, your own little private world of porn is no longer private...it is exposed...and it becomes easier to resist falling back into it (although its certainly still possible)!

This can be frustrating though. After all, negative aspects of pornography and sexual sin receives so little attention in today's society. You can almost forget about finding talk about the harmful effects of an obsession over such things anywhere in the media or in pop culture. If anything, such things are perceived as normal and even encouraged. And even in religion, not enough attention is paid to the growing problem of pornography. Perhaps an occasional word about purity, abstinence, or faithfulness is preached, but the seedy details of where an addiction to pornography and sex can lead you are simply overlooked. I suppose it's understandable that such a topic gets overlooked...it certainly isn't family friendly...and it addresses our sexuality, perhaps the most private part of our lives. It's an embarassing subject for most, but does it need to be?

With the rise of the internet, pornography has become more accessible than ever. It's become something that can be viewed completely anonomously. No money or credit card needed, no age restrictions...absolutely anyone can get online anytime they want and find pornography in just about any variety you can imagine. And there's absolutely nothing to prevent or discourage young hormonly driven teens to seek this stuff out. I was 12 or 13 when my family first had access to an online service...it was Prodigy...it was all grainy graphics and text...and it did not take me long to find where I could find discussions and stories on sex. I justified my actions as normal curiosity, nothing to be concerned about, and absolutely normal part of going through puberty. But for me, it was only the beginning of an addiction I would battle for years. And when I was going through this, just as today, there was little discussion about the downside of pornography. Sex education tought me it was okay to think about sex...it was normal to masturbate...it was normal to be curious. Would things had been different had we been taught that while some curiosity is normal, but too much can also lead to an addiction that could be difficult to overcome when we were older? Hard to say...but it certainly couldn't have hurt.

The point is that while pornography addiction may not be as harmful to our physical health as an addiction to drugs or alcohol...it can still be dangerous. Jobs are lost, families torn apart, and even lives lost as the addiction can become so powerful that victims feel suicide is the only way to break it. The stories are out there...perhaps such things don't happen as frequently as they do with drugs or alcohol, but they happen. And with pornography becoming easier and easier to access, and children becoming exposed at younger and younger ages thanks to the internet...we can only assume that addictions will become more common, and the impacts will be see more often.

So can we really afford to overlook the topic? Can we really avoid to say nothing simply because it's embarassing or uncomfortable to talk about? We must break the silence! Pornography can be dangerous! Of course it would be an exaggeration to say everyone who looks at pornography will become addicted. That's not the case. But it's just like alchol. While there may be some people that can drink socially on an occasional basis and not be addicted, able to stop at any time...there is a small minority that cannot drink without it overtaking their lives. With pornography, perhaps most can look at it casually without ever feeling the need to look every day...but others become obsessed, and feel the need to look at it any opporunity they have.

So if you struggle with pornography, its time to speak up! It's time to come clean with someone. A priest, a friend, even your spouse. It's time to open the topic up for discussion. That's my intent with this blog, to talk about it, to acknowledge its a problem for myself and many, and to speak out against it and offer encouragement. But there are so many other ways to speak out. From simply discussing it with friend, to starting a support group, to giving a talk in church or a retreat. Perhaps one day I will be called to speak out in a more public way, and I will have to muster up the courage to do so. This problem will only breed if we stay silent! The only way to address it...to stop it...to hope to overcome it...is to talk about it! So I encourage everyone here to look for a way you can share your struggle and speak out against the problem!

Please feel free to share your thoughts with me! I don't know who, if anyone, is reading this. I will be much more motivated to continue this blog if I know someone is reading...to know someone has taken something from this. So please feel free to leave a comment with your thoughts...or you can e-mail me if you wish your comment/thoughts to remain private (mathias@yahoo.NOSPAM.com, of course, remove the NOSPAM).

God Bless!