Euphoria

There are many people who don't acknowledge that there is such a thing as a pornography addiction. I've been thinking some about how to counter this arguement lately...and while I'm not ready to address it in full, I do feel its a good time to explain to those who have been hurt by pornography (i.e. spouses of users) exactly what goes through the mind of a porn addict. While this may not apply to all addicts, from what I have seen it is similiar for the majority.

For my wife and many wives, I think they are hurt because they somehow feel responsible. They either feel they are incapable of satisfying their man fully or that their men are not physically attracted to them and therefore turn to pornography. Now I can't speak for those who did not get involved with pornography until after marriage...but speaking as someone who was involved with pornography long before marriage (i.e. over a decade), this certainly is not the case!

When men become sexually aroused, chemicals are released in the brain and we begin to feel a sense of euphoria. The goal becomes to prolong that period of euphoria and eventually reach the pinnacle of that euphoric high. In this state we enter what I like to call 'suspended reality.' Our stress and worries fade away. Nothing is as important as reaching that sexual high, and if we're determined, little can stop us from reaching it...reaching it at all costs. We really become drunk on the feeling. Common sense and inhibitions disappear. Rational thought even goes out the window. NO matter how many times I have tried to think of my wife and how much I'm hurting her when I look at pornography, it simply isn't enough to stop me. Not because I don't love her, but because when I'm in that state, I begin to justify my actions with any possible explaination. Everything from "she'll never find out" to "I will quit after this and she'll never have to know" to the old standard "every man does it, I'm no worse than everyone else." Of course, to the outside observer and even myself in retrospect, these are not valid excuses. My wife will find out...even if she doesn't know it hurts our relationship...and not everyone does it and it doesn't matter how many people do, it doesn't make it right. But in that euphoric state, these excuses make all the sense in the world.

So the way out seems pretty simple, quit allowing myself to enter these periods of sexual arousal. But to someone who has been involved in pornography, this is not so easy. Images and experiences are burned into memory. And of course, sexual imagery is everywhere...advertising, television, even the newspaper. And the more we've engaged in pornography and masturbation, the easier it is to be aroused by this stuff. In my darkest times, that sexually aroused period eventually blurred to the point where sex was always on my mind. But what about those times where I abstained. Before marriage I pledged to quit and went months without looking at pornography or masturbating. I cleansed myself. What turned me back to it after marriage? Was my wife not attractive to me or not satisfying me? Absolutely not! It's the memory of the experiences from before I even met my wife. I remember the euphoria involved in pornography and masturbation. What's more, it's incredibly simple to get that sense of euphoria. All it takes is a stressful day or a bit of boredom...and if I'm not prepared for the temptation and have a moment of weakness, I begin engaging in the activity. Once I've entertained the thought, its too late...the launch sequence has been activated. It's not that I'm not sexually satisfied by my wife...its that I know how easy it is to get that sense of euphoria...which allows me to escape all my troubles.

Now, I explain all this not to try to pass pornography off as permissible because its simply a physical act that does not result from sexual frustration or dissatisfaction. Yes I hope that women might understand a bit more and be able to sympathize a bit more with the struggle of pornography...but they certainly shouldn't freely allow it. But instead, I present all this more because this is the danger of pornography. Because it is devoid of emotion and simply driven by the desire for a easily attainable euphoric high if we engage in it too much the thought and emotion disappears from our life all together. Suddenly nothing ever matters but reaching that euphoric high whenever we have a chance. Eventually it interfers with my sex life with my wife. I'm not as interested in sex with her. Again, nothing to do with her...its general laziness. Sex requires effort and work...and when I'm frequenly getting that euphoria with a lot less work on the side, it almost seems pointless. I've separated the emotion from the physical euphoria. Of course, men are able to separate the emotional and physical realms of sex much easier than women. And left unchecked and eventually we might turn to bigger and badder ways of getting this high. I pray to God that I never got physically involved with another woman, but it does scare me how in my darkest times how easily it could've happened with little thought of my own.

So the goal is of course to avoid sexual arousal outside of marriage at all costs. I won't expand on that since that is what most of this blog is devoted to...but I will say it requires a strong will/motivating factor, lots of prayer, honestly with your spouse or another, and continued vigilance. The good news is the farther we are removed from the bad times, the easier and more satisfying it is to put these things into practive. And of course, it's important to remember that while I may be satisfying myself physically with pornography and masturbation, emotionally my wife and I are both suffering, which is only creating tension within our marriage.

I want to thank all who read this or continue to read it. Please know I am always open for discussion and feedback!