Friday, July 13, 2007

Porn into Productivity

So its been awhile since I've last posted. My excuse is that I've just been too busy...which ties in nicely with my topic for this post. That is turning porn into productivity.

I cringe to think about how much time I've wasted in my life looking at porn. If I assume I looked at pornography an average of 5 hours a week between ages 15 and 25, it would amount to nearly 1/3 of an entire year of my life wasted looking at porn. That means by the time I was 25, I would've spent 1% of my life looking at pornography. That's a lot of wasted time. Then I just imagine what I would be like if all that time had been devoted to something more productive...reading, learning, or prayer/meditation. How much wiser I might be if that were the case. Instead I chose to waste all that time burning sexual imagery into my head.

It's absolutely essential in overcoming any addiction that the times when we would've dedicated to our addiction be used for something more productive. This doesn't mean replacing it with some other mindless activity. It means being more productive in our time. Of course this isn't always as easy as it sounds. If you're anything like me...you lose interest in new hobbies rather quickly. It seems that I often tried to replace porn in my life...but it often involved the internet, maybe finding a game online that distracts me. Of course I would soon lose interest in the distraction and return back to pornography. I've even had some seemingly productive attempts that have ended in the same result...learning guitar for instance. Some may take up guitar and find that it really captures their interest and wind up becoming very skilled guitar players. For me, it was just something else that I lose interest in. Sadly, probably because it took too much effort on my part and since pornography has turned me a bit lazy I soon gave back into the simpler mindless activity.

The key is finding something that is actually useful. To be honest, I don't know that I've completely found my something yet. Thanks to my marriage to my beautiful wife the arrival of our son...I don't have as much free time as I used to have to be tempted into pornography, but of course I still found time to view it not too long ago. So thus far I've kept myself pretty busy posting on this blog (up until the last month that is), reading the bible, and trying to help out more around the house. Heck, I'll even lump sleeping into that useful activity category. My more recent porn binges often came at the price of lost sleep. I was still reading the bible and doing some basic chores around the house during that time, so when I had time alone it usually meant staying up late to get in more porn time. So this time around, I've made sure I've kept up this blog (to keep me actively working to overcome my addiction), gone a bit beyond the bare bones housework and made sure I helped more with keeping the house a bit more clean (although I'm sure my wife still thinks I could be doing better), in addition to reading the Bible. I won't deny I've replaced some of my porn time with TV time, but I do usually keep it at the bottom of my list. I still think I could use a hobby that keeps my interest, so I will continue to search for something.

Of course its important when starting the road of recovery though, that these changes aren't easy. In the beginning its never easy to turn down the opportunity to view porn or masturbate with chores around the house. But I find the more I force myself to do these chores, the more they become part of my normal routine and I find satisfaction in doing them. Runners can relate to a runners high. This is when a runner may feel near the point of exhaustion or simply doesn't want to continue, but suddenly the get a rush of hormones that reenergizes them and makes them feel like they could run forever. It's important to keep at whatever our new activities are on a consistant basis until we really begin to feel attached to them and get a true satisfaction out of them. I've certainly felt this with housework as well as this blog...I'm still working on getting that same feeling through prayer and bible readings.

God Bless!

1 comment:

Sawblogger said...

Hi Matt. Interesting. We both talk about the same issues. To be busy as much as possible. To find hobby. Please read my last post.

I already posted on your blog about my "sculpture hobby". I quote myself:

"... Very soon I've rediscovered my old hobby of sculpture (plastilyn) and building dragons, angels and strange mysterious animals kept me from going crazy. I felt how much sexual energy goes to sculpture..."

Art is a powerful sublimation tool. But more than painting or drawing - look for ceramics, or wood carving maybe. Anyway - it should me about hand work and aesthetics, and selfexpression - that is ART!!!