Wednesday, May 2, 2007

Denying the Flesh

I've struggled a bit more in the past week or so, but praise God in that I have managed to remain free from pornography and masturbation! What I have really been struggling with lately is my own will to fight the battle. When you first embark, the first few days are very difficult, almost like going through withdrawal. If you are able to get through that, the next few weeks get easier. Sure there are temptations, but you motivations are still fresh in your mind and your still feeling fresh and energetic and are able to fight through those times of temptation.

But soon comes this a more complacent period, that has always been my biggest hurdle. The initial spiritual high of fighting the good fight wears off...we sometimes get over confident...our enthusiasm wains...and we just get worn out. I still want to be faithful to God and my wife...but somehow those good feelings that were part of the addiction work their way into my head. I'm tired of fighting...I start to doubt my own strength...and part of me actually begins to miss what I was addicted to...what has come so close to destroying my relationship with my wife. It's so frustrating! In my heart I know the pain it has caused and will cause if I give in...but my flesh is weak. My flesh wants to give in. My flesh wants to be satisfied. My flesh could care less about the consequences, as long as I am satisfied physically. It's a horrible battle that goes on between my flesh and my spirit...and my flesh has always won. My spirit doesn't know how to win this battle. Satan's weapons are incredibly powerful!

Today I am reminding myself of Saint Paul's Letter to the Romans. Paul knew this struggle too! "I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. Now if I do what I do not want, I agree that the law is good. So then it is no longer I that do it, but sin which dwells within me. For I know that nothing good dwells within me, that is, in my flesh. I can will what is right, but I cannot do it. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I do. Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I that do it, but sin which dwells within me. (Romans 7:15-20)".

What Paul understood, is that the nature of our flesh is sin. Our flesh, has been sold into the slavery of sin. But Jesus Christ, by his death, takes away our sin! Without sin, our flesh is nothing...it is weak. And our spirit can then overpower our flesh! The key then, is to allow Christ to take away our sin. That I suppose is where I and many struggle. Because the unfortunate thing is, we are living in our flesh. And instead of focusing on our spirit and its needs, we focus on the flesh...because here on earth, it is much more tangible that our spirit. We don't want to deny our flesh the sin that it desires, because we are too wrapped up in the physical needs of our flesh. Our flesh wants sin, so if we allow Jesus to take away our sin, our flesh suffers...and we feel the effects.

So what is the key? Feed our spirit and starve the flesh. This strengthens our spirit, weakens our flesh. Soon, we will no longer be able to live, or focus, on our flesh...because only our spirit will be able to support us. Easier said than done. The flesh puts up a fight. But we must deny to feed it the evils it desires at all cost. I've made the decision to overcome this sin of mine...and that means sacrafice. That may mean pain. But this time, I cannot allow my flesh to win the battle over my spirit. It is time to give my spirit a taste of victory! It is time to truely allow Christ to take away my sins! And I pray that Christ strengthens my spirit and the spirit of all those who also struggle in this battle!